Manufacturing Information Solutions

[dawn]

WOMEN VS. MEN


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the
cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business
Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on
the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do
to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair
out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed
the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over,
touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?



CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down
the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I
thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "
You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get
me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and
some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I
figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a
barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned
to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me
to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at
5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning,
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.