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So Many Boneheads, So Few Brains

 
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dawn
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Location: Mishawaka, IN

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:16 pm    Post subject: So Many Boneheads, So Few Brains Reply with quote

So Many Boneheads, So Few Brains
By Mike Botta
http://www.ien.com/ienblog.aspx?id=153350&ienUId=465584019&newslname=BLOG

Day after day, week after week we’re amazed at the stupidity witnessed from sea to shining sea and well beyond. So, in the interest of giving the biggest boneheads their due, here are the latest inductees into the unofficial Bonehead Academy...

Big Bonehead Award No. 1

In an effort to clear their caseloads of outstanding warrants for non-violent crimes, U.S. Marshals in Newark, NJ ran a Fugitive Safe Surrender program for four days, prompting 4, 197 fugitives to give up. The program, considered a success by virtually all counts, also netted nine arrests on various charges. But, the really big news is that 369 people willingly surrendered to the U.S. Marshals only to learn later that they were not wanted for anything.

So, on behalf of all the would-be criminals running around out there, we happily give all 369 nutcases a soon-to-be-well-deserved Big Bonehead of the Week Award.

Soon-to-be-well-deserved because in no time they surely will take all the necessary steps to truly earn that honor.

Big Bonehead Award No. 2

Just weeks after two Northwest Airlines pilots forgot they had to land their plane full of passengers and overshot the Minneapolis runway by 150 miles, and 1,000 piece of luggage were stolen from under the watchful eyes of skilled airport personnel in Phoenix, another sky king came out of the clouds last week to give the beleaguered airline industry yet another kick in the tail.

United Airlines reported that Captain Erwin Washington was arrested in London when he allegedly showed up drunk at Heathrow Airport to take his position in the cockpit – or, should we say cockeyed pit. Federal authorities reported that since 1997, an average of 11 pilots a year are taken into custody for showing up drunk.

Two thoughts: One, it’s frightening that there are enough such incidents taking place that it warrants keeping statistics, and two, after all the bad airline news these days, what would prompt a pilot to even sniff an alcoholic beverage? While acknowledging that one is innocent until proven guilty, a Big Bonehead of the Week Award goes to Mr. Washington and all of the airline pilots who even are suspected of showing up impaired, especially given the precious cargo they are commissioned to transport.

Fasten your seatbelts, folks. Shortly after takeoff you may be meeting up with a bunch of pilots who’ve already been at cruising altitude for several hours!

Big Bonehead Award No. 3

Obviously, Bernie Madoff must be a distant memory to a whole bunch of rich boneheads. The FBI last week said that they seized or planned to seize yachts, cars, bank accounts and other assets from a wealthy attorney who allegedly ran a fraud scheme that may have cost investors $1 billion or more. As of Thursday the lawyer, identified in reports as Scott Rothstein, had not been charged.

According to the FBI, the alleged scheme involved lawsuit settlements. Under the plan, investors reportedly “bought” settlements for a fraction of the full amounts awarded and plaintiffs accepted lower amounts in return for quick payouts. Over time, the investors were to be paid up to full value of the settlements.

A win-win, except that according to complaints filed, “no such settlement agreements had ever existed.” Investors from throughout the U.S. and the globe got caught up in it and lost big-time, the FBI said.

So, while we don’t know who they are, a Big Bonehead of the Week Award goes to all the greedy parties who jumped on the bandwagon to make a quick buck and found an even quicker way to lose a big buck. Weren’t they paying attention when Bernie’s get-richer-quicker scheme melted down? Or maybe they made so much money over the years in less than above-board schemes that losing a few million no longer matters to them. Boneheads.

Big Bonehead Award No. 4

Here we are in the midst of the worst recession since Adam and Eve went cherry picking in the apple orchard and the union representing two large supermarket groups in the Southwest came within hours of costing 25,000 workers their jobs.

The geniuses behind the United Food and Commercial Workers Union called the strike against the Fry’s and Safeway supermarket chains throughout Arizona despite growing anger from many of their own constituents that this probably is not a good time to walk away from a job.

At issue was a new requirement by the big food chains to begin charging NEW employees $5 a week for individual health care coverage and $15 a week to family coverage. Mind you, EXISTING employees covered by the union would continue to receive FREE – as in no cost – coverage for health care.

Twelve hours before the picket lines were due to go up on Friday, a settlement was reportedly reached subject to approval by the rank and file, but not before workers spent days cringing under the prospects of losing their jobs, homes and personal belongings while union leadership forged ahead with their threats to strike. We’re fairly sure the leaders slept well in their comfortable homes as the workers developed ulcers during the process.

So, on behalf of all the suffering employees of Fry’s and Safeway, we award a prestigious Big Bonehead of the Week Award to the leaders of the United Food and Commercial Workers Union who obviously placed their best interests over the best interests of all of their members. When it comes to unions in the 21st Century, no surprise there.

Big Bonehead Award No. 5

The Balloon Boy family pleads guilty. Need we say more?
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